Tuesday, April 30, 2013
My First MS Blog: Sick of Being Sick
My First MS Blog: Sick of Being Sick: So I have not been doing much of anthing lately but trying to get over this horrible bronchitis and get through each day as best as I can. I...
Sick of Being Sick
So I have not been doing much of anthing lately but trying to get over this horrible bronchitis and get through each day as best as I can. I can definitly say that being so sick has definitly made my MS symptoms more noticable to me. Everyone can see and hear me hacking and coughing and blowing my nose but what no one else can see is the dizzziness, the tingeling, headaches, vision issues and the FATIGUE! Again the cold on top of the MS has made the fatigue double. Not fun.
So what have I been thinking about lately? I have been thinking about how pissed I am! I mean really, is it too much to ask to feel well, get better fast, only suffer with the symptoms of a cold and not all of this other stuff? I spend my fee time "resting" even though I would rather be outside in the beautiful weather or have the energy to do the things I want to do.
Work for instance is something I enjoy 99% of the time. I love my job. Reall I do and I know how lucky I am to be aboe to say that! But wow has it been a struggle lately. I missed 3 days over this cold that has hit me like a mac truck. I have been back for a week or more now but I am struggling! I just want to go back to bed. Not because I am lazy but because I am so run down! I have no answer for this other than to express that this is hard! I am angry to spend my precious vacation days home sick! I am angry that I feel so crappy that the things that normally bring me joy are exhausting. I am angry that people keep telling me I look better when I really feel awful. No one wants to be that person who says "well thanks but I really feel like shit, let me tell you about all of my issues combined." So I smile and say "yea I'm getting better, thanks." Meanwhile my body is struggling to move and concentrate. I am sick, tired, and in between all of this I am taking my shots and smiling to keep up appearances. I can't be a total debbie downer all of the time, so I try and cope. I hide it, from everyone. So I am taking it out tonight in my words on here!
I am not going to apologize for complaining because this is what MS looks like sometimes! This is what MS feels like sometimes! I don't like it, in fact I hate it! I want to feel better. I want this lingering cold to go away and my MS to calm down! Is that too much to ask? Oh were the days when I could just nurse my cold and feel better in a few days.
Just today as I was at work I really thought about how great it would be if I were able to just be off- not work- take care of myself. Of course this is not a reality and is not what I want but where do you draw the line of living and taking care of yourself vs. struggling to do things you have to regardless of how it affects your quality of life. It is not the work or "working", it is the thought of what is more important. When you feel like crap you should not have to spend the little energy you have getting through the day just because that is what you are supposed to do. But that is life.
Today I was told a story by a friend of mine who has- had- a friend who just retired at age 52. She had cancer and she and her husband just 2 weeks ago bought a house in Florida to retire to. The wanted to spend their retirment years enjoing life. After all they are young. Well just today that woman passed away after an oddity with her cancer- died suddenly! So as I listen to this story I mentally think about what is more important. Do you suffer though work and the have to's of life just because you are supposed to? I guess the answer is yes, but that really stinks.
I don't know if I am making much, if any, sense. The past few days have been "bad days". Sick of being sick. Waiting to feel better. There is nothing worse that waiting for something you are not sure if you are ever going to get. I go to bed each night hoping that tomorrow will be better. I will do the same tonight.
Just as it is one of those days it is one of those blogs!
:)
So what have I been thinking about lately? I have been thinking about how pissed I am! I mean really, is it too much to ask to feel well, get better fast, only suffer with the symptoms of a cold and not all of this other stuff? I spend my fee time "resting" even though I would rather be outside in the beautiful weather or have the energy to do the things I want to do.
Work for instance is something I enjoy 99% of the time. I love my job. Reall I do and I know how lucky I am to be aboe to say that! But wow has it been a struggle lately. I missed 3 days over this cold that has hit me like a mac truck. I have been back for a week or more now but I am struggling! I just want to go back to bed. Not because I am lazy but because I am so run down! I have no answer for this other than to express that this is hard! I am angry to spend my precious vacation days home sick! I am angry that I feel so crappy that the things that normally bring me joy are exhausting. I am angry that people keep telling me I look better when I really feel awful. No one wants to be that person who says "well thanks but I really feel like shit, let me tell you about all of my issues combined." So I smile and say "yea I'm getting better, thanks." Meanwhile my body is struggling to move and concentrate. I am sick, tired, and in between all of this I am taking my shots and smiling to keep up appearances. I can't be a total debbie downer all of the time, so I try and cope. I hide it, from everyone. So I am taking it out tonight in my words on here!
I am not going to apologize for complaining because this is what MS looks like sometimes! This is what MS feels like sometimes! I don't like it, in fact I hate it! I want to feel better. I want this lingering cold to go away and my MS to calm down! Is that too much to ask? Oh were the days when I could just nurse my cold and feel better in a few days.
Just today as I was at work I really thought about how great it would be if I were able to just be off- not work- take care of myself. Of course this is not a reality and is not what I want but where do you draw the line of living and taking care of yourself vs. struggling to do things you have to regardless of how it affects your quality of life. It is not the work or "working", it is the thought of what is more important. When you feel like crap you should not have to spend the little energy you have getting through the day just because that is what you are supposed to do. But that is life.
Today I was told a story by a friend of mine who has- had- a friend who just retired at age 52. She had cancer and she and her husband just 2 weeks ago bought a house in Florida to retire to. The wanted to spend their retirment years enjoing life. After all they are young. Well just today that woman passed away after an oddity with her cancer- died suddenly! So as I listen to this story I mentally think about what is more important. Do you suffer though work and the have to's of life just because you are supposed to? I guess the answer is yes, but that really stinks.
I don't know if I am making much, if any, sense. The past few days have been "bad days". Sick of being sick. Waiting to feel better. There is nothing worse that waiting for something you are not sure if you are ever going to get. I go to bed each night hoping that tomorrow will be better. I will do the same tonight.
Just as it is one of those days it is one of those blogs!
:)
Friday, April 26, 2013
My First MS Blog: My First MS Blog: MS Is Eveywhere Now....
My First MS Blog: My First MS Blog: MS Is Eveywhere Now....: My First MS Blog: MS Is Eveywhere Now.... : Since my diagnosis in February 2013 MS is showing up eveywhere. let me explain... Before my d...
Monday, April 22, 2013
My First MS Blog: MS Is Eveywhere Now....
My First MS Blog: MS Is Eveywhere Now....: Since my diagnosis in February 2013 MS is showing up eveywhere. let me explain... Before my diagnosis I was aware of this disease. It has...
MS Is Eveywhere Now....
Since my diagnosis in February 2013 MS is showing up eveywhere.
let me explain...
Before my diagnosis I was aware of this disease. It has been mentioned to me several times over the past 10 years by my MD's but somehow the diagnosis evaded me, right or wrong. But now that I am "official" I can't get away from seeing and hearing about it everywhere without looking for it. Example: we all just learned about the passing of Annette Funicello (spelling?), so that grabbed my attention as I watched over and over of her decline. I became glued to the TV watching and contimplating if that would be my fate one day. Will I be unrecignizabe in a wheelchair someday? God I hope not! Then there was the week in March that is National MS week. So on with the week long info sessions on that. But I am glad to have a time of year when MS is celebrated with charity events etc. Then today I am watcing Dr. Oz and out of the blue they are talking about some random diet and the one woman stated she is on this diet because of her diagnosis of MS! What?! MS is everywhere.
My point is, isn't it funny when something like this happens to you that you see it everywhere, where as before you would have never noticed. It is just another reminder that I have MS and I will forever notice every mention of it. Has this happened to any of you, whether you have MS or some other thing that makes you more aware and you see it everywhere?
On another note, I spent half the day at the PCP getting my antibiotic, inhaler, and cough syrup for my inherited bronchitis. Please know that my co-worker is now feeling much better! lol! I am a bit bitter about this, I must get over it! I actually threatend to cough on her today as we were joking about it...little did she know I s not kidding! Again, I need to get over this! lol
So I am trying to rest and get better. I go and see my neurologist tomorrow and have some quetions for him now that I have been able to process this new diagnosis. Then I also have the home health RN's second visit tomorrow. I guess just to check in that I am doing ok with my injections. For the most part I am. But let me just tell you the 44mcg dose burns like hell! I need to discuss this with her as injecting my legs is almost unbearale! We shall see what she says. What was once something I didn't mind doing has not become something dreaded because I know it is going to hurt like hell. This makes it difficult when you know you have to do this for the rest of your life!
Anyway, I hope all who reads this blog is well and is enjoying this nice weather! I hope to be feeling better soon! :)
let me explain...
Before my diagnosis I was aware of this disease. It has been mentioned to me several times over the past 10 years by my MD's but somehow the diagnosis evaded me, right or wrong. But now that I am "official" I can't get away from seeing and hearing about it everywhere without looking for it. Example: we all just learned about the passing of Annette Funicello (spelling?), so that grabbed my attention as I watched over and over of her decline. I became glued to the TV watching and contimplating if that would be my fate one day. Will I be unrecignizabe in a wheelchair someday? God I hope not! Then there was the week in March that is National MS week. So on with the week long info sessions on that. But I am glad to have a time of year when MS is celebrated with charity events etc. Then today I am watcing Dr. Oz and out of the blue they are talking about some random diet and the one woman stated she is on this diet because of her diagnosis of MS! What?! MS is everywhere.
My point is, isn't it funny when something like this happens to you that you see it everywhere, where as before you would have never noticed. It is just another reminder that I have MS and I will forever notice every mention of it. Has this happened to any of you, whether you have MS or some other thing that makes you more aware and you see it everywhere?
On another note, I spent half the day at the PCP getting my antibiotic, inhaler, and cough syrup for my inherited bronchitis. Please know that my co-worker is now feeling much better! lol! I am a bit bitter about this, I must get over it! I actually threatend to cough on her today as we were joking about it...little did she know I s not kidding! Again, I need to get over this! lol
So I am trying to rest and get better. I go and see my neurologist tomorrow and have some quetions for him now that I have been able to process this new diagnosis. Then I also have the home health RN's second visit tomorrow. I guess just to check in that I am doing ok with my injections. For the most part I am. But let me just tell you the 44mcg dose burns like hell! I need to discuss this with her as injecting my legs is almost unbearale! We shall see what she says. What was once something I didn't mind doing has not become something dreaded because I know it is going to hurt like hell. This makes it difficult when you know you have to do this for the rest of your life!
Anyway, I hope all who reads this blog is well and is enjoying this nice weather! I hope to be feeling better soon! :)
Saturday, April 20, 2013
My First MS Blog: I Refuse to Feel Guilty...
My First MS Blog: I Refuse to Feel Guilty...: Well I can refuse, but I still feel guilty. Why you ask? Because the fatigue of MS plus my new head cold has caused me to spend the entire d...
I Refuse to Feel Guilty...
Well I can refuse, but I still feel guilty. Why you ask? Because the fatigue of MS plus my new head cold has caused me to spend the entire day in bed sleeping!
MS fatigue is terrible and indescribable, but I will try. It is like your whole body is weighted down and just to pick up your feet or raise your arm takes all of your power. Your body weight feels double. Keeping your eyes open and trying to pay attention to what is going on around you is a feat.
This is different then just being tired. It is like you have not slept for days even though you just slept for 12 hours.
I did manage to do some small house chores today but I am just leaving them for tomorrow hoping I feel better to push through them and then rest up for the next work week.
Not my most exciting post but this is all I can concentrate on writing today! Be well eveyone!
MS fatigue is terrible and indescribable, but I will try. It is like your whole body is weighted down and just to pick up your feet or raise your arm takes all of your power. Your body weight feels double. Keeping your eyes open and trying to pay attention to what is going on around you is a feat.
This is different then just being tired. It is like you have not slept for days even though you just slept for 12 hours.
I did manage to do some small house chores today but I am just leaving them for tomorrow hoping I feel better to push through them and then rest up for the next work week.
Not my most exciting post but this is all I can concentrate on writing today! Be well eveyone!
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